10 Lessons from 10 Years of Parenthood
My oldest just hit double digits this past week; he officially completed his first decade, which means I’ve completed a decade of being a parent. This birthday felt so different from the others; it felt as if we were both entering a new chapter of life, and that brought upon a lot of reflecting. I thought it would be helpful to share what God has taught me in my first 10 years of being a parent. I by no means have it all figured out, but I do have a better understanding of what works, what is important, and what aligns with God's view on parenthood. I pray that this is encouraging and adds value to you as you journey through parenthood.
Sometimes it’s not that serious. Parenthood can sometimes feel like a battlefield. Like, we have to always stand our ground as the parent. Honestly, sometimes I have to stop and think to myself, “Do I just want to exercise my parental power or is this really a big deal?” Like, if my kids grab snacks without asking, is it really an issue that can harm them, or do I just want to flex my parental rights to be asked for snacks first? This one is tough because I’ll admit I can get on a power trip that is triggered by constant redirecting, so at that point I just want to be obeyed. But at the end of the day, stopping and asking myself in the moment helps me navigate through those moments, and a lot of the time, it’s really not that serious.
God is the foundation; we were never meant to do this in our own strength. The bible has so many scriptures that are meant to guide us and give us wisdom in parenting (Proverbs 22:6, Ephesians 6:4, Titus 2:7). If God guides us through the Holy Spirit, then why would he leave us to parent alone? When I begin to carry the load of Motherhood on my shoulder alone and forget to seek God in my moments of hardship, I have to remind myself, or I go to my circle of friends to be reminded that God is willing and desires to hold my hand through this journey.
Apologizing builds trust, security, and accountability. Let’s be honest, we all miss the mark sometimes. We react, raise our voices, and at times, we are just wrong when it comes to how we handle situations with our kids. If we want to raise accountable humans, we have to be able to admit when we are wrong and apologize to our children. After all, the bible says in Titus 2:7, “In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching, show integrity and seriousness.”
Each kid requires a different parenting style. I realized very quickly after my second child came along that there are situations where I cannot parent my children the same way in certain situations. Not only do their ages require different parenting methods, but they are also completely different people. One child may be more emotional than the other, or one child may respond to a calmer tone when corrected over a more stern tone. Realizing that you are raising different people under the same roof requires intention, patience, and awareness of each child's attributes.
Our kids spend less of their lives as kids than adults, so let them be kids. This one hit me hard the other day. Realizing that we will experience our children as adults longer than we will as children. What freedom it brings to let them just be kids for as long as we can. A while back, I told my husband that our three-year-old has no concept of days, weeks, or hours, how wonderful! Soon he will have to know those things and be subject to times and schedules, but for now I just want him to exist in a world of childhood for as long as I can. Be silly with your kids, get messy, and laugh a lot!
The simple things matter most. Isn’t it funny how we tell our children to do something and they forget within seconds, but randomly, while in the car, our children will bring up a moment that we forgot about. It is always the simplest moments that become core memories. The elaborate moments are wonderful, big birthday parties, theme parks, etc., but the random walk in the rain, searching for baby frogs, somehow seems so much more memorable. This is your reminder that the little moments count just as much, sometimes more than the big ones.
Children have love languages too. Just as we have different ways that we feel seen, heard, and loved, so do our children, and most of the time it varies with each child. This isn’t meant to complicate parenthood, but to make it simpler and more efficient. Understanding how your child likes to be communicated with will not only build your relationship with them, but it will also allow them to feel more connected to you.
Encouragement outweighs the hard moments. Life is messy and comes with many, many lows. Unfortunately for us, our children have to encounter some of these lows. The good news is they don’t have to feel so heavy if we are the ones who encourage and uplift in these moments. Take, for example, losing a baseball game, or just not having a strong game that day. When your child looks over at you from the field after striking out (and they will look for you), giving a thumbs up and a smile goes a long way. They know in that moment that their works don’t equate to acceptance and approval, and they will begin to carry that truth with them into adulthood.
Attentiveness and a listening ear will allow them to trust that they can tell you anything. Most days are filled with “Hey mommy, look what I can do” or “Guess what, mommy.” I hear it so often that it is hard to sometimes not zone out lol. But honestly, there will be a point when I don't have those sentences anymore, and that hurts my heart. So right now, while I still hear it all day, I have to choose to stop what I am doing, look, and listen. I believe this will help my kids feel like they can come to me with anything as they get older.
Character is built through parenthood. This is hands down the hardest to accept. When I say character is built through parenthood, I don’t mean the fun stuff. Character is built when you refrain from reacting even though you are at the end of your patience. Character is built when you want to yell, but you know your child is just overstimulated and needs comfort. Character is built when you haven’t slept a full night, but you have to get up and be everything for everyone. The journey feels heavy, unbearable, and exhausting, but the growth and wisdom that are happening within you will last a lifetime. Again, we were never meant to parent in our own strength; God has our back. He has given us tools and holds our hands through it all. Rest in that truth today and remember it as you journey through parenthood.
